Relationships

by aziza Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:07 am

Before and after marriage

Before - You take my breath away.
After - I feel like I’m suffocating.

Before - Twice a night.
After - Twice a month.

Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation.
After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac.

Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars.
After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done...

Before - Don’t Stop.
After - Don’t Start.

Before - Is that all you are eating?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

Before - We agree on everything!
After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

Before - He’s lost without me.
After - Why can’t he ask for directions?

Before - When together, time stands still.
After - This relationship is going nowhere.

Before - I can hardly believe we found each other.
After - How the hell did I end up with someone like you?

by aziza Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:11 am

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn’t love U, then why the hell did I propose?

Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I’m home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??

Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room. !
6 years : Here’s the money. Buy yourself something.

Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don’t you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don’t do it again.
6 years : What’s not to understand about what I just said??

New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound?
6 months : What’s so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What’s so bad about staying home?

TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I’m going to watch ESPN, if you’re not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself.

by aziza Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:13 am

Some Hints for Women ...

- If you think the way to a man’s heart is through
his stomach you’re aiming too high.

- Women don’t make fools of men -- most of
them are the do-it-yourself types.

- The best reason to divorce a man is a health
reason: you’re sick of him.

- Never trust a man who says he’s the boss at
home. He probably lies about other things too.

- A woman’s work that is never done is the stuff
she asked her husband to do.

- Go for younger men. You might as well -- they
never mature anyway.

- A man who can dress himself without looking
like Forest Gump is unquestionably gay.

- Men are all the same -- they just have different
faces so you can tell them apart.

- Definition of a man with manners -- he gets
out of the bath to pee.

- Whenever you meet a man who would make
a good husband, you will usually find that he does.

- Scientists have just discovered something
that can do the work of five men -- a woman.

- There are a lot of words you can use to describe
men -- strong, caring, loving -- they’d be wrong but
you can still use them.

- Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive
and potentially violent, but they make great pets.

- Men’s brains are like the prison system --
not enough cells per man.

- Husbands are like children -- they’re fine if
they’re someone else’s.

- If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give
him a day and he will be back to his usual self.

- Figuring out men is like trying to make a
jigsaw puzzle in a car, once you think you have
it all put together, you find another piece but you
don’t know where it goes.

by aziza Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:24 am

Top 10 rejection lines given by women (and what it really means)

- I think of you as a brother... (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.")

- There’s a slight difference in our ages... (I don’t want to do my dad)

- I’m not attracted to you in ’that’ way... (You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes on.)

- My life is too complicated right now... (I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)

- I’ve got a boyfriend... (I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s)..

- I don’t date men where I work... (I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ’solar system’, much less the same building.)

- It’s not you, it’s me... (It’s you.)

- I’m concentrating on my career... (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

- I’m celibate... (I’ve sworn off only the men like you.)

- Let’s be friends... (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)